The ‘All Men’ Theory

So, firstly, hello everyone! I hope you’re all safe, that is from the coronavirus as well as from social media at this point, if you know what I mean. To begin with though, I’d like to say that the idea of this blog has been on my mind since a very long time, but recent happenings on the Internet did act as a catalyst to get my mind thinking about it again. I’ll still try and do my best to not refer to that, because this topic is not a new one, and goes way beyond Instagram group chats or comment wars. Please cooperate and try to understand where I’m coming from? I don’t mean to offend anyone here, just my opinion about what’s wrong with the conversation that goes on related to this.

Well then not wasting any time, jumping right in with feminism then shall we? So the Merriam Webster dictionary defines it as ‘The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.’ Sounds bloody great doesn’t it, but the meaning of a word doesn’t end at its book definition. The meaning of a word also includes the way society uses it, and the way that word is used in conversations and actions of everyday life of today’s world. So while feminism grew out of the movement led mostly by women in the 20th century in demand for the equality of rights of all genders, it has now arguably become this juggernaut of claims and arguments and some of which, in my opinion, do not reflect or even appreciate the society we live in, accurately enough.

Now, I’m not saying that women are not oppressed now, and that the social evils of assault, violence, rape and even a certain degree of gender bias are not prevalent. Because that claim would be just utter nonsense and I’m aware of that. We live in a world where these things are huge issues with ‘not so caught up’ solutions, and I totally stand against them. But that’s not all that there is to it. My problem with the social media discussions and the world view of a lot of people lies in the divisive nature of them, the kind of notion of all men being oppressive against all the women, and that after all the world is still nothing but a patriarchal and tyrannical society. And that’s not something I perceive as ideal for anyone, men and women alike.

So we should take an example here, let’s say a 13 year old girl goes on Instagram, and sees a post that says all men are evil, and if not all of them, enough men are evil so that all women are unsafe. And not just that, maybe it adds on the workplace environments and that women never get paid as much for the jobs they do. Well then that’s not a very good society to live in then is it? I don’t think anyone in the right mind would be happy about living in a place like that. Still, the happiness index does tell a slightly different story doesn’t it? And mind you, this is Delhi, so we’re talking about the worst possible out of the civilised modern world. But going back to the girl reading this hypothetical post, what do you think that is going to do to her confidence? Or even her worldview? Is the whole world then always against her? I’m pretty certain it’s surely going to do more harm than good right? And again, I’m not saying that safety isn’t a problem, especially in Delhi of all places, but for a place that’s one of the worst in the world in that respect, it’s pretty damn good than what it was 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago. This is the best that it’s ever been in human history. And that progress was made possible because of a lot of great women as well as a lot of great men, and I don’t think there is much appreciation for that. If all there was and still is, just a place where women are persecuted against, this distance of progress we’ve covered would be still far fetched. And that’s simply not the case.

But now keeping the equality intact, let’s say a 13 year old boy sees something like that on Instagram, what goes on in his mind then? Well, he’s going to be a man someday, just like his dad. Oh wait, is his dad such a bad person? Has he done something wrong yet that has also made him part of the bandwagon of all males that are against the females? I think I can presume with certain confidence that it’s not really good for the guy’s mental health too. The point I’m trying to make here is, let’s say there’s a competition in a school, and we have a boy and a girl as the top contenders to win. There was fair and square judging, and the boy won. He got all the appreciation there was to get, and it was his day to celebrate. Now, should he have a certain amount of guilt and doubt in him for that? Did he win because of a preference? Is it a bad thing that a boy won against a girl? I draw that parallel because I’ve felt that way a certain number of times, and I’m sure a lot others have too. And it’s not just the boy, should the girl think she lost because she’s a girl? Will she always be a victim of that bias? That’s exactly what a narrative like this does. And it sounds a little trivial in case of a school competition, but it can be pretty catastrophic in a lot of other cases. It’s certainly not ideal, I can place a bet on that for sure.

The world is not perfect, and that is because human beings are not perfect. Men and women alike. There are a lot of bad people out there, but they certainly don’t outnumber the good ones, and that fact is grossly underestimated. With regards to what happened on Instagram a few days back, I am completely against what those boys were doing, whether they were part of it actively or passively. But those boys are not tyrants, they’re not even adults for God’s sake. And we certainly don’t want them turn into tyrants one day, and it’s why they need counselling, and someone giving them the right direction (A job a lot of parents fail at miserably these days). But the fiasco and the comment wars that came out of that very concerning situation were created because of a very small group of very loud people with this exact narrative. It’s not about pitting the women against the men, and it’s not about the men defending themselves and then hitting back at women. Boy’s locker room or girl’s, they are both wrong, and these things are not at all ideal for all of us, and the society in general.

My point in all this is, women safety and women rights and every issue related to them, is not solely a problem of the women. It is a problem of humanity. And it’s always been that way. Everytime something happens, there’s no need for a war and the inclusion of all men and all women in pre-defined different categories. Because it just doesn’t do any good, for any gender. Misogyny and misandry both exist in our society, and I agree that misogyny is way more prevalent than the other, but they’re both social evils, and they’re both harmful for all of us. A divide just never helps, and it never has, and that’s the conversation that needs to be had on social media. Also, in case anyone of you is still triggered by all this, I’m no Males Rights Activist, and I’m far far away from being a misogynist. I’m just trying to make the point that there is a lot of good things happening in the world today, and some people on social media just don’t like it that way, partly because of their own resentment. All men and women deserve equality, in all respects. And I know that this equality comes under a lot of attacks by a lot of people everyday, but the time we live in, is the closest we’ve ever got to achieve that equilibrium. And that fact is worryingly under appreciated.

I’m writing all this, because I truly believe I’m a feminist. The kind that a feminist was always supposed to be. Thank you if you kept reading and came all the way down here, I really appreciate it. I’d love to know your thoughts about this, or about anything for that matter. I’m sure some of you might’ve been triggered a little (or maybe more), but that was never my intention. We can have a discussion anytime if you’re into that. I’ll see you around!

xx